I didn't ask for this, not to be borninto this family, this nation, culture,
set of skin and bones and muscle,
didn't ask that I be raised a certain way.
Not my fault that I am white and
had two parents there to teach me
how to live a pleasant life or how to pray.
I never asked them not to work so hard
to give us food and clothes and bed,
or questioned when requirements for
my own achievements and behavior
seemed to be too much, too high, unfair.
They could have taught me anything,
to hate and cheat and lie and call
those different than us by such ugly names,
and I could get away with all of that
and more because that's just the way
it was as I grew up. If I had only
known the simpler life of being
raised in someone else's stereotype
of what a Christian's come to mean
to THEM. And here I thought it
had to do with being loved, of showing
love to others, cutting slack where
needed due to my own need for grace.
I'm weary of the uninformed who
point their fingers, painting us with
brush so wide as if that means we really
are all hateful, stupid, racist, women-hating
judges of a generation. You don't know
me, or my parents, or bother listening to
the sermons that helped shape our lives.
Thinking our minds closed, you're rather
clueless that this very thought means yours
is shut so tightly that one glimmer of the light
cannot get in. But then, a love of darkness
has its merits, I suppose. I didn't ask to be
brought up to breathe in light, but having
gotten used to air and space and oxygen,
the freedom to connect with more than
tiny thoughts I can conceive,
I choose it now. I choose it gratefully.
And you, who seem to hate me so, although
you do not know me, only something of
the labels you are quick to stick upon
my head, I choose to love you in return,
because I do not know what you've been through,
or what you got, although you didn't ask
for birth into this place or creed,
didn't ask to be, at all. I wish that you
were happy, but if not, there's really no one
else that you can blame because that is the
one thing we can all, and do, decide.
(c) Ellen Gillette, 2013
Interesting...I didn't ask to be born into my family either and I chose to go a different way than I was raised as a child and teenager, going to church, etc., and that decision is not to be Christian. Trust me, the uninformed judge us/me, too, that we're all immoral or lost or going to hell or unethical, losers, deviant, or whatever, and it's simply not so. I know who I am and what I've done in my life and can hold my head up and be happy with the person I am. Too bad any of us make sweeping judgments about each other instead of dealing with individuals, and how different we might have been had we been born into different families. I was fortunate that my parents accepted/accept me the way I am...it could have been different and I know some people will never believe that I could possibly be a good person.
ReplyDeleteYou are the first pantheist I have known, so I could hardly judge! I like the phrase "God-intoxicated" associated with your beliefs. I'm reminded of a Jewish tour guide who took a group of Christians around Israel and said he had the feeling that when they all got to heaven "We will see that I was right, and we will see that you were right." We only know in part. Maybe the parts I'm focusing on are different than the parts you are, but if we are both seeking ultimate Truth, I believe we will both find it. And we can allow one another to genuinely seek, without judgement.
ReplyDelete