job, food, Little League, broken hearts,
boyfriends, curfews, first jobs, bills,
chaperoning, chauffeuring, will we ever
make ends meet? I never looked ahead to 55,
never wondered, never dreamed of flights to
ocean cruises, second honeymoon once
kids were on their own.
How could I have known my older self
would still be dodging scattered Legos,
leftovers from little boy who sometimes
crawls in between us in the night? Reminding
teenage girl (and mother) to clean their clothes,
rooms, attitudes. Didn't see it coming.
Could not have anticipated this missing out
on Empty Nest. I'd like to think they've kept me young
while turning my hair gray, even on the days
I want to pull it out, yank it by the roots
with sheer frustration. (Vanity prevents this.)
When someone leaves these
days, it's me, and no one seems to mind
as long as I come back. They're kind, that way.
For now, I wouldn't trade them for a different life,
this is the one I've got, my post, appointed place,
it's grace that keeps me here, and love.
But now I let myself look farther down the road
to when my life will change, arrange itself into
simpler, purer patterns. I allow myself to think on this,
breathe in the distant fragrance of someday,
before I charge ahead
into the now.
(c) Ellen Gillette, 2012
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